blue feet

I have been feeling pretty blue lately (ok maybe the past 3 years). Just seems like one thing after another for me with my health. First my wisdom teeth get pulled, then my tonsilectomy, then my pre-cancer surgery, then my hysterectomy, then my 2 surgeries on the nerves in both feet. WOW, it was just one after another. All has been well except for my right foot, still has major issues of PAIN! Can I say it any louder? lol Next week I am going in to have my 2nd surgery on the right foot and hoping that it will do the trick and I can go back to an active life again. Although I'm not sure what that is anymore, my son is 4 and it seems like I haven't done much with him during this time. Which I haven't, I try my best. He accepts it, but why should he?? I don't want him thinking this is what a Mommy is supposed to do. It really depresses me when he sees me taking my pain meds and says 'Mom, when your medicine kicks in can we play?' or do whatever the thing is he wants. It's very hard to hide my pain, because I don't have much tolerance. I do try really hard not to show it, especially because he has starting mimicking me with pain in his feet. I feel like a horrible Mom!! My morning are one of the worst times of the day for me. It is so difficult to walk or stand on them. It takes me about 30-60 mins to become mobile after my meds start working. I just hope and pray we never have to do a fire drill (lol). It is so amazing to me that these feet of mine I have taken for granted over my many years. I look around at other people doing daily activities such as...walking to the mailbox, chasing their children, washing their car, taking a walk in the park, jumping on a trampoline, kicking a ball, pushing a grocery cart or standing making a meal. I have become so jealous of those little things in life. I wish and pray everyday that this will come to an end soon. I am so so so lucky to have my owee feet, I can't imagine not. Right now I should be the happiest girl in the world, we are buying our 1st home. I try to move that little cloud over that keeps following me around. I am hoping and praying that my surgery next week will fix it! I am lucky to have such an awesome doctor. I am more lucky to have such a wonderful husband, who has had to live with me. Dave has been the best! I know I don't tell him or show him like I should, but I am so grateful to have a kind, caring and most of the time patient husband. I love him so much! I love Trevor as well. He brings smiles to my face, even when I'm so miserable I could just scream. He comes and gives me kisses and hugs to make me feel better. I am grateful for my friends who listen to me, make me laugh and care. I don't think I would want a friend like me though. :) I don't know why I felt the need to write this, but I do feel a little better. It makes me think and realize that it will all be okay. I know my Heavenly Father listens to my prayers. I know that I have a good life. I know that I am blessed with my family. I know that I believe in Jesus Christ and the Gospel. I know we will ALL have a better life in the hereafter with no pain or worries.

So as I look forward to next week, I will walk and play and jump again (maybe not for about 2 months). I can dream. I will pray really hard it will come sooner AND I won't have to be on any pain meds anymore. woohoo!! That will be a party in its self. Then about the time I heal, we should be about ready to move in our new home with a fresh start for all of us!! How lucky are we?!